This book will change your life (Part 2, Day 4: The redass map edition)

15 July 2010

Life_pictureDAY 4

Today, work out your globetrotting plans for the rest of your time on earth, and get on the phone to an accredited travel agent. NB: the State Dept. currently discourages travel to the following countries: Afghanistan, Iraq, North Korea, Turkmenistan, Zimbabwe, North Yemen. • been there done that • intend to go there this year • intend to go there sometime before I die • happy never to set foot there in my whole life.

Map

Now let me explain why my map looks like this. I don’t like traveling. I think its the biggest scam running right now outside of being an early adopter for Mac products (you’re paying to be a field tester you know).

My idea of fun varies from moment to moment. I can have fun where I’m not intended to (predicting whether or not I’d step on something in the street 10 ft before I get to it) and be bored where I’m supposed to be having fun (any loft party I get invited to in Williamsburg). There is no set idea of “fun” in my head.

This fact alone makes me hesitant to travel.

I don’t like the idea of paying to fly somewhere just so I can pay to stay and eat somewhere and MAYbe have a decent time. It’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. I’m supposed to pay hundreds of dollars to go somewhere just to see if I like it? My ass. And people do this sorta thing all the time and it never makes much sense to me. Go around paying to look at stuff. I took a trip last year and the main fun I had was when I went rock climbing which is something I could’ve done here a mere 20 minutes from my home.

You see, when it comes to spending I think relatively. The idea of spending $500+ for a flight seems iffy to me because I automatically think of how many other things I can buy with that money. Do I want to pay for a flight to get me to and from some place that I might like or do I want to buy 100 Quiznos subs? Its a no brainer.

I do try and want to travel. Its one of those things that I want to want to do. Like reading the news and keeping a sharp eye on what’s going on in the world. But I can’t force it no matter how hard I try. Besides:

“I’m just gonna end up back here anyways…”

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Mom finds 14 year old son on Facebook and Bangs him… simplest headline of all time.

13 July 2010

Weirdnews_header

mommyPONTIAC, Mich. — A woman who pleaded guilty to having sex with the biological son she gave up for adoption and later tracked down on the Internet has been sentenced nine years to 30 years in prison.

Aimee L. Sword, 36, of Waterford Township apologized at her sentencing Monday in Oakland County Circuit Court. She had pleaded guilty to one count of first-degree criminal sexual conduct in a deal with prosecutors.

Police say Sword used Facebook in 2008 to find her son, who’s now 16. She gave him up for adoption when he was only a few days old, the Detroit Free Press reported.

“When she saw this boy, something just touched off in her — and it wasn’t a mother-son relationship, it was a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship,” the newspaper quoted attorney Mitchell Ribitwer as saying. “Aimee’s searching for a reason why this happened. She can’t understand it. She’s going to get some counseling.”

The boy testified they had sex in Waterford Township and Grand Rapids when he was aged 14.

Waterford Township is 30 miles northwest of Detroit.

Source

At first I laughed a bit. I thought this was a tragic coincidence where two people met on facebook and didn’t know they were mother and son. But no… that’s not it at all. This story is a bit fucked.

But I still laughed a bit.

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This book will change your life (Part 1, Day 1)

12 July 2010

Life_picture

A few things:

1. I’m not the first person to do this.
2. I won’t be the last.
3. But I aim to be the most entertaining.
4. I was gonna do the this book will change your life, again sequel but it didn’t seem as “fun”.

Yesterday while walking down the street, I saw out of the corner of my eye a mighty wallet. For those that are unaware, a might wallet is a kickass wallet made out of paper. It’s also “green” I guess but that’s not why I own one. I own it because it looks cool and it affords me the opportunity to…

I’ve never used the term “affords me”… am I using that correctly?

it affords me the opportunity to say to people “my wallet is made out of paper… jealous?… yooou’re jealous”. I’ve done this three times since Sunday afternoon. Anyways, while browsing the store, I came across a book entitled “This book will change your life”. I picked it up and skimmed. At first I was all “this is stupid” and put it down. I then picked up another book about what your poop is telling you.

A word about this book: I don’t really think it achieves the goal that it should. This is a pick up and read book but it didn’t have enough pictures and it wasn’t descriptive enough. I found it difficult to figure out which chapter I should be reading and what type of crap they were referencing. So all in all it was too challenging to follow. The book fails.

So I found myself drifting back to the life changing book and realized that this COULD actually be fun. So naturally I’m doing it. It affords me the opportunity to be more consistent with my content, which Jenna recently brought, up and also it affords me the opportunity to do the one thing I’ve always wanted to do. Blog about my life to strangers on the internet. I won’t be covering every day because some days are just less interesting than others but I do plan on sticking with this… probably… I don’t know. I have to do it for a year… yea we’ll see.

With that said:

DAY ONE

As this is your first day, you should warm up with an easy task that will only change your life a little bit

From the list, I chose Leave work five minutes early. This actually ended up working out. Somehow, this allowed me to catch a rather perfect string of trains that got me home at 7:52 rather than 8:23. So I got a few extra minutes of doing nothing at home. Already this book is paying off.

Also, as I’m currently writing this blog completely naked so I consider another item on the list Perform a strip tease (in private) indirectly completed. Not life altering… it’s just fucking hot in here is all.

I’m sorry you just had to picture me naked. I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

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