EDITOR’S NOTE: 2010 was the most loathsome year on record, and it was difficult choosing between the literally hundreds of deserving scoundrels who could’ve made this year’s list. Some people are perpetually awful and we’re tired of writing about how awful they are, so there are some intentionally glaring omissions. We surely missed someone you hate. We missed a lot of people I hate. Check out the Loathsome Americans from 2002, (the dog eated it in 2003) 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009 (wow, we’re getting old) before your head explodes because your favorite asshole isn’t featured above.
Agrees with:
48) Kim Kardashian
Charges: Not content with tacitly rooking half-bright teens by endorsing any weight-loss scam and junk food joint to cross her path, 2010 marks the year she entered the world of outright usury. Her and her sisters’ short-lived, pre-paid Kardashian Kard—because alliteration is a sound reason to enter the kredit industry—was rife with what the Connecticut Attorney General called “pernicious and predatory fees.” Inexplicably famous; no redeeming skills. Her “reality” show is poorly written.
Aggravating factor: “I know people think we drive around in these nice cars and we do whatever we want and our parents will pay our credit cards, but that’s not the case. Sure, my parents were generous. I got a nice car at 16, but at 18 I was cut off. I’ve worked really hard.”
Sentence: Sex tape with DJ Jazzy Jeff; one year in a coal mine.
33) Damon Lindelof
Charges: As co-creator of “Lost” and co-writer of the monumentally terrible final episode, Lindelof first conjured a confusing yet entertaining sci-fi epic but then, despite its mechanical sound, the “Smoke Monster” turns out to be the ghost of the father of liberal philosophy, side plots about mental illness and alternate universes go nowhere, paper-thin characters inexplicably commune with the dead, and finally, in a clichéd, Old Testament-inspired supernatural battle, evil is defeated when a big rock dildo is crammed into a shiny hole by a handsome, emotionless doctor. And the whole damn thing—concocted entirely on the fly, with no eye toward resolution—from the plane crash to the time travel was actually just some brightly-lit, stained glass, feel-good, new-age, ecumenical afterlife delirium. Right. Fuck you, Damon Lindelof. Fuck you, for stealing 127 hours of our lives, giving us hope that television needn’t be utterly awful, and then shitting out the most hackneyed, series-diminishing, spiritually pandering, lowest common denominator deus ex machina to ever air on TV. Fuck you. Fuck you with a fake beard.
Aggravating factor: One of his favorite films is Bambi.
Sentence: Something incredibly convoluted, followed by a tremendously unsatisfying ending.
22) Tyra Banks
Charges: Her eponymous talk show, which once booked an eleven-year-old girl under false pretenses only to have her face a convicted pedophile via satellite, finally ended this year. Tyra’s frenzied ego-fever did not. The winner of last season’s ode to body dysmorphia “Auschwitz’s America’s Next Top Model” was so disturbingly thin that her torso could be used as a bulimia aid. And this ideal of supposed beauty was brought to us by a woman dense enough to think she could wear a fat suit for a few hours and truly know the plight of the obese.
Aggravating factor: Whatever this is.
Sentence: Used to test a new line of rabbit makeup.
1) You
Charges: Your brain’s been cobbled together over millions of years of blind evolution and it shows. You’re clumsy, stupid, weak and motivated by the basest of urges. Your MO is both grotesquely selfish and unquestionably deferential to questionable authority. You’re not in control of your life. You wear your ignorance like a badge of honor and gleefully submit to oppression, malfeasance and kleptocracy. You will buy anything. You will believe anything. You believe that evolution is a matter of belief. You likely scrolled down to #1, without reading the rest, because you’re an impatient, semi-literate Philistine who’s either unable or unwilling to digest more than 140 characters at a time. You think Epic Beard Man is a national hero and that Bradley Manning might be Eli and Peyton’s brother. You believe in American exceptionalism despite the contrary, compelling and overwhelming evidence. You tacitly partake in all manner of atrocity without batting a lash. You’re actively participating in our species’ extinction and you’re either in denial or you just don’t give a shit. You escape into every sort of mind-numbing distraction and ridiculous, convoluted fantasy, so you don’t have to face the bitter, terrifying fact that your life is utterly meaningless.
Aggravating factors: The careers of Rush Limbaugh, Oprah Winfrey, John Stossel and Justin Bieber; the success of The Secret, “Medium” and Atlas Shrugged; the election of Rand Paul; the existence of Kentucky, Texas and “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”
Sentence: Bad teeth, an affinity for afternoon tea and the guilt-plagued, nostalgic psyche of a fallen empire.
Indifferent towards
20) Mark Zuckerberg
Charges: In the backhanded tradition of tech dickery, Zuckerburg brazenly pilfered the idea which allows you to neurotically tend that asshole from high school’s virtual farm while not getting any work done. The Facebook founder’s fortune comes in part from selling your information to third parties via default privacy settings. After vowing to donate half of his some $7 billion to charity, as transparent PR in the wake of The Social Network, he got into bed with the execrable Goldman Sachs and a Russian investment firm run by a convicted extortionist to recoup the loss. Invented “poking.” And he’s actually trying to trademark the word “face.”
Aggravating factor (from his business card): “i’m CEO … bitch.”
Sentence: Whatever Tom Anderson’s doing right now.
Needs more:
Antoine Dodson
Read the rest of the list here. This article is gold people
