DAY 29
Dial a phone number at random and read this script with a Deep South accent.
Thanks be to gawd…
Monthly Archive for August, 2010
A now for some Matrix related puns:
Welcome… to the real world…
Maybe Laurence should’ve taken the blue pill
Woah…
Do you think that’s cum you’re swallowing.
And so on and so forth.
DAY 25
Things you will never do before you die. Tick the boxes to come to terms with the fact that you will never:
You always hear stories about people growing up with regret. Not with regret in things they did do but things they didn’t. We’ve all heard this but I’m afraid that I can’t live like this. When I don’t do something, I’m not filled with regret. Why? Because I didn’t do it for a good reason: I didn’t feel like it.
Now this book presented me with a list of things I’ll never do and I can say that it was rather eye opening. It was a rather long list. And for the most part they are right. I’ll never do many of these things and it’s a bit saddening. Fact of the matter is, I’ll never:
Read Proust
Climb Everest
Learn Italian
Visit Bhutan
Write that novel/screenplay
Become a world chess champion
Rob a bank
Run away
Have a sex change
Become a queen
Become a king
Donate my liver
Become a millionaire
Go to Heaven
Walk to the north pole
Learn Russian
Live off charity
Contract an STD (crosses fingers*)
Spend a night in prison
Start a revolution
Follow this book rigorously
Celebrate Xmas in May
Learn the periodic table by heart
Go to a drive-in cinema (this one hurts)
Collect stamps
Work in a coal mine
Watch all of Bergman
Follow Mao’s teachings
Kiss a complete stranger (I tend to get to know them first)
Move to Japan
Visit Space
Invent a cookie
Wear a rucksack
Ride a Camel
Inject Heroin
Wear loafers
Speak in tongues
Faint with love
Save the world
Start a cult
Stand and speak up for my rights
Drink myself silly in New Zealand
Grow a beard
Master the yo-yo
Become a fitness instructor
Feel like Batman
Apply for a patent
Become a rock star
Live for a year on a desert island (also hurts)
Stop worrying
Use the term solutionize
Confess to a priest
Confess to a whore
Eat leaves from a tree
Graffiti a highway bridge
And that’s just the first column. This is one of those things that would succeed in motivating me for a few seconds until I fall back in my usual “why bother” attitude. It’s a hard attitude to shake I assure you. It’s pretty much who I am…
tragic really.
But I HAVE worn colored lenses. So I’m not a total dead beat.
