There was a time when I liked the whole dance numb…
…theyre making another Alvin and the Chipmunks movie?…
There was a time when I liked the whole “surprise dance number at our wedding” thing. I thought the first couple to do this were pioneers. They created a craze that I could get behind. Who doesnt want to watch a choreographed dance number during a wedding reception? But then society asked me “WHO WANTS TO WATCH IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN” and I got sick of it. Then some writer on the office started a conversation with “hey guys I saw this FUNNY thing on youtube” and thus began the hammering of the final nail.
So I guess everyone agreed with me and decided to try something new. And this is the best we could come up with:
Fuuuuck ooooooff.
During the peak of this craze, which lasted 5 seconds, people were saying “youre gonna do this arent you” and “what are you gonna dance to I know youre doing this”. I was shocked. I was shocked and kind of disgusted that people assumed I would do what was expected of me. I know EXACTLY what Im doing at my wedding and it aint that.
During our first dance, I’ll step on my wifes shoes by mistake. She’ll get mad and smack me. I’ll grab her and shake her a bit. Then we begin our 5 minute choreographed fight throwing each other through tables and other conveniently placed fake furniture. Everyone will watch this Matrix style battle in awe thinking about how wonderful it is that we found each other.
Realistically Im not gonna do this. There is too much room for error but at the very least Im going to bring it up to any girl I even consider marrying. If she even considers it seriously I’ll propose then and there.
If I get a strange look I’ll reconsider.
Ever since my blogging career started Ive had some sort of visitor… logging… program… thing. I dont know what they call them. Essentially it tells me how many people come to my site, when and from where. Its important to a blogger because it instantly gives us an indication of how many people in this world DONT give a shite about what we have to say.
So what Ive found most interesting are the google search referrals.
We are a curious species. Search engines like Yahoo and Google have given us this outlet to satisfy that *googles spelling of* insatiable need to “know”. And who could blame us. I remember in my younger years, my dad gave me these encyclopedia’s for my birthday every year. They were useful to me at some point. Now I sit and stare at them on my shelf sometimes, saddened by the knowledge that much of the contents have either been expanded upon or debunked and further saddened by the fact that the task of moving them is so daunting, that they have lazily earned a spot on my shelf forever.
I often find these google searches rather comical. There is a daily horde of people looking for information on “how to shave their asshole”. There are even more looking for Angel lola luv and Raven Symone porn…
there are A LOT of people looking for Raven Symone porn.
There was one search for “High heel in mans asshole” which truly baffled me. Even given the hilarious nature of these searches, none of them really surprised me except one which simply read:
is it ok to let my mom see my penis
I mean… look at that. There’s just so much story there. Who WAS this person and why were they asking this? One would assume that he had some sort of… defect and was wondering if it was cool to show his mom. But thats the beauty of this search. Someone else could be assuming something completely different than I. On the one hand, when I see searches like “High heel in mans asshole” it gives a window into THAT persons rather, uh, perverted soul, but this search gives us a window into our own.
Pass this around at a party and you’ll get a dozen different interpretations one of which would surely be:
“…he wants to hit it”
