Truth be told, I dont plan on having any children. Many would consider this a nod to the idea that men these days just dont want to grow the hell up. We look around us and see that growing up brings nothing but pure grief so we hold on to our Master Chiefs and statement tee’s for dear life while we hope life passes us by. But Id like to think that Id be a decent dad at the very least as I plan to avoid the main pitfall that most parents that raised my generation fell into.
When an adult is told “no”, we usually see it as an obstacle. We see it as an opportunity to test our ability to adapt to a situation or a chance to manipulate those below us and figure out how to turn that no into a yes. But as a teenager we think differently. Telling a teenager no is pretty much like saying “give me grief”. A no to a teenager is seen as an opportunity to make their parents as miserable as possible with ridiculous choices and an opportunity for young punk ungrateful children to scream “YOURE RUINING MY LIFE” whilst on their way out the door to pick up a box of herpes from the local gentlemen caller.
The main problem with telling a teenager no is the fact that it is so definitive.
The whole no means no things doesnt hit home with children these days. Think of them as a seasoned rapist. Tell him no and he’ll think “oh wow ‘no’… I better stop forcing my penis inside of you now huh? hahhaaha”. It just doesnt work that way. But give him a reason. Give him a logical reason (ie “there’s aids in there”) and maybe… just maybe he’ll stop.
Probably not but still…
Give your kids a reason. Parents try to swing their dicks around too much. Telling their kids no without any sort of rhyme or reasoning. If your teenage daughter wants to go to some college party you can say no. Or you can say “no because Im almost sure youll be raped by 5 frat brothers. Your vag will bleed and youll get it all over the place. Do you really wanna see the shameful remains of your blood stain in the carpet every time you enter this house?” or “that super cool college guy only sees you as a hole at this point and once hes done with you he’ll break your heart and toss you to the side and this will cause a vast amount of trust issues down the line with men and you’ll find it near impossible to love again.”
Perhaps this wont change her mind immediately but it will put a seed of doubt in her head and sometimes thats all you ever actually need.
Tell them the truth. Tell them the possible consequences of their actions. Inform them that these arent worst case scenarios at all. Let them know that this is life. Its the only way to truly get through to them. Kids only seem to respond to some sort of shock value and pure potent truth.
Take this youtube video I saw a few weeks ago.
A girl walks in at about 11pm and her mother had no idea where she was. She called her friends, called her best friend. No one knew. Needless to say the mom was worried but she could do nothing but say “I need to know where you are, I need to know whats going on etc etc.” These kind, weightles words had no affect on the girl. It was later revealed that she was meeting with some sketchy guy she met on myspace.
Her brother then entered the scene with the camera and continuously exclaimed “YOU COULDVE BEEN RAPED IN THE BUTT!” It was pure comedy but pure genius at the same time. The vid ended with her sitting in the corner sobbing. It is likely that she was thinking to herself “what if I WAS raped in the butt…” Seed of doubt. Truth, shock, awe.
Parenting.
He peered into a garbage bin, reached in and pulled out a Wendys bag. He then proceeded to look inside the bag and found (what looked like) three crispy chicken nuggets and half a cheeseburger. He quickly walked off to consume the contents in private behind a staircase. I saw him return to the garbage can with the empty bag. Next time I saw him he seemed to be helping a mother get her child into a stroller which, at the time, came off as a rather bizarre transition.
