Monthly Archive for November, 2008

Now dont get me wrong. I dont mind change. Things change for a reason and whether or not the reason is known to me Im aware that theres ALWAYS a reason. I dont pry and I dont cry.
Cast changes in any show are made to be seamless. A graceful transition from one actor to another and as the audience we put a face of “ok whatever I’ll keep watching even though I dont like the new chick”.

I never once questioned how the Cosby’s SUDDENLY concieved a fifth [older] child a few seasons in. I never questioned how the blonde daughter changed from the loveable odd man out in the Conner family to typical blonde bimbo in one seasons time then back to the loveable odd man out in the Conner family in the very next season. And I didnt even question where the hell Judy went on Family Matters

We later found out she snuck of the house to pursue a career in porn.

But for the life of me I was never able to understand why they chose THAT actress to play Vivian during the later seasons of Fresh Prince.

It wasnt a seamless change by any means. She got fatter, yellower, quieter and dressed the same way all the time (”SWEET ZOOT SUIT MOM!!!”). Uncle Phil might as well have gotten remarried. It wasnt the same Vivian, not even close.

The first Vivian struck fear into her children. When she spoke they listened. She had a certain grace about her and a stern look that could tame the likes of Aries himself.

Aries is the God of War. He fucks shit up.

The second Vivian was just there. Barely a parent. Didnt sit her children down once to discuss the finer points of life. Didnt teach them lessons about Malcom X. Never once put on a nighty and threw herself in an seductive way onto the biggest bed Ive ever seen. All she did was this.

…

PHILIP!!!

*vacant look*

She [and Hilary] almost ruined a perfect show. I can only hope in the dvd they just cut and paste a piece of looseleaf over her face (the more terrible the effects the better) that reads:

“our bad”

Now all of us know that PAC MAN, the original game, is nothing more than a battle between good and evil. And thats it. But Ive been playing Ms. Pac Man a lot for the past few weeks (read: A LOT) and Ive noticed something very specific. A hidden message perhaps. And that message is this:

All women are cum guzzling materialistic whores

I know all you women out there are like “Fuck you adam” but hear me out.

Pac Man was an icon, a hero even. We saw nothing but a little yellow us trying to get through life without getting caught and sent back to the same place in which we started. To adapt and overcome when we felt trapped and/or cornered. Pac Man represented us. And since Ms. Pac Man was his female counterpart, it is only natural that she represent all women. But the message isnt all that positive.

First of all, look at how she’s dressed. Red lip stick, red bow. Red, the color of lust, passion, period blood. All the things that make up GOOD sex.

The heffah is running around collecting little bits of white dots which look suspiciously like male penis sperms (In Pac Man they are dots of encouragement). And also, look how many points each dot is worth. 10 points. 10? The number of perfection. Which basically tells us that women only go for men that would be considered a “10″ on the sexiness scale. Which means they’re a shallow gender.

And look what happens when a fruit steps on the scene. Whenever women sees something better on the horizon, they automatically jump to it. They arent satisfied with their “10s” anymore. Now they have to go after the 100’s the 700’s even the 1600’s (1600 I guess is considered Brad Pitt status). They’re never TRUELY satisfied. They only settle for the “10s” when the more appealing fruit isnt around. Now notice how shiney and perfect the fruits are. So colorful, so vibrant. Much like a metrosexual; a group that women seem to gravitate to these days.

The ghost obviously represent men. Chasing after this woman as if their lives depended on it. Going through mazes, puzzles and tunnels in the process. Which, of course, makes the whole ordeal THAT much more difficult. For virtually NO reason. Sounds like a woman to me.

And for my last point. Look what happens when the ghost actually CATCH the girl. She falls, dies (inside) and crys. The cultural equivalent of crying rape. And what happens to the ghost … thrown in a box (aka jail) awaiting their release.

Its all there people. Open your eyes.