Take a look back through Owen Wilson’s various roles in movies and you’ll notice one simple thing: He pretty much plays the the same guy every time. Lovable fuck-up who speaks softly. Has a very positive outlook on life and generally gets the girl and his nose is somehow never a factor.
Women love him. And whats more, most women dont even know they love him. While they dont quite love Owen Wilson the person, they love Owen Wilson the idea. They watch Wedding Crashers, they watch Meet the Parents and without knowing it, they instantly start cataloging everything Owen Wilson does that you cant.
Its in their nature. I call this the “Owen Wilson filter”.
The filter kicks in the second you start talking to a woman. We’d like to think that when talking to a girl in a bar, we’re trying to avoid being a douche bag, boring, or trying not to make it painfully obvious that all the questions we ask are just a distraction and a chance for us to chant (in our heads)…
dont look at her tits
dont mention your pet turtles
dont get a hard on
Or if we happen to get one…
How can I tuck this up into my waist band without her noticing *
But we’re wrong. All of these things we try not to do embodies that very notion that we’re subconsciously trying to be Owen Wilson the idea. We’re trying to bypass the filter. Every ride the L train and see that strange looking kid with the plaid pants confidently sporting a cock bulge walking around with the most beautiful Williamsburg girl youve ever seen? You bet your ass at some point he did something similar to adding a “-ness” to the end of her name and telling her she had that little ’something’**.
And when you get serious, it only gets worse. She’ll be sitting around the house, watching you play Grifball all the while wondering why you havent asked her to engage in some fun activity like that hand reflex game. A game that she finds exciting, but most men just look at as a way to get away with mild domestic abuse.
I could be alone on that one I dont know.
But Im not sitting here telling you to BE Owen Wilson. Thatd be foolish. We can all agree that without Vince Vaughn, Wedding Crashers wouldve just be Owen Wilson crying on a beach, thrashing about the back of women’s hands. But when you talk to that girl at the local Trader Joes and she makes it apparent that she wants NOTHING to do with you, just know…
you probably lacked the “-ness”
Either that or your face sucked.
* you cant
** You, me and Dupree (2006)
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