When the hell did fake questions become real questions?

Normal human conversation has seen one dramatic change that cant be ignored.

It was observed by a few nerds at some college that texting and instant messaging were making our youth socially handicapped. That while they could go on and on for hours about nothing online with each other, in real life during socially driven moments they became zombies because they werent used to the personal aspect of it all. Social retards whom without the help of emoticons and clever acronyms were unable to communicate past normal human banter.

:O

Now throughout the day, you can walk down the street and see things that are just “wrong”. You see black people having friendly conversations with cops. You see people of normal height dating midgets with NO intention of being ironic. You see white people walking around with Kayaks on their heads in areas around Brooklyn that I was told to NEVER set foot in as a child.

But one thing that bothers me above all is the fact that the term “How are you” has somehow become a real question.

In the past few months Ive been noticing that when I start a conversation with someone by asking how they are, I no longer get the “Im cool and yourself” answer that Ive grown accustomed to. I get an unwanted 10-20 minute conversation of just how that person is feeling. And I get specific reasons as to why the person feels the way they feel. I hear about periods, lost jobs, herpes medicine and the downward life spiral that each problem has initiated.

I learn more about that one person in 10 mins than I have about my mom in 24 yrs. All the while Im thinking to myself “Id rather kill you right now in cold blood and go to jail for the rest of my life than listen to another word of this”. Long gone are conversations that play out normally…

GUY Sooooo, what do you do?
GIRL Graphic designer
GUY You like it?
GIRL Its alright
GUY cool…
GIRL …
GUY …
GIRL …
GUY …sex now?

I feel violated. I feel tricked into a conversation with someone I just wanted to politely acknowledge on my way to the average looking girl with low self esteem standing right behind them.

We’ve grown too accustomed to answering this question. Everywhere you look you can see awkward conversations happening all around you. The thought of casual conversation and “the easy way out through passive questioning” has been destroyed by the sickening desire for one to express themselves.

I blame the Real World.

And not in any specific definitive way*. But one must admit that in some small fashion, this generation and the one immediately following is being raised by MTV programming. This “how are you” fiasco is proof positive.

MTV has tricked people into thinking that everyone cares about their problems. Tricked people into thinking they should express themselves to every random drunk they meet at Joshua Tree. Treating the world as their own personal confessional. Its disgusting. Now I could view this as an evolution of culture where people are becoming more personal and actually communicating but I just cant. Not when Im forced into a conversation about a band I could give two shits about after the person I asked “how are you” responds with “yea Ive been listening to some new music and Im gonna spend the next 20 minutes force feeding it to you and telling you why Arcade Fire isnt as good a band as everyone thinks and why Bjork is pure genius.”

Its only a matter of time before Im at a party and someone suggests we have a “party meeting” with the aims of “confronting” the douchebag who just walked in going up to every girl and creeping them out by complementing them on how they have that certain “-ness”.

…

Im gonna be thrown out of a lot of parties.

* lies