Bagged milk…

14 March 2010

milk

There are certain aspects about bagged milk that I just don’t understand and I have no desire to actually begin to understand. For the sake of this post, I will remain ignorant about bagged milk because I doubt many other individuals understand it either…

unless they are Canadian.

But how am I supposed to pour this stuff? And if I open it, is every brand of bagged milk resealable? If not, am I supposed to rehouse it in a jar or carton of some sort? And if I do, we go back to problem number one and the other issue would be the fact that rehousing it would defeat the purpose of buying the bagged milk in the first place.

And what problem does this solve? When products are put on the market, I’ve been led to assume that the serve some sort of purpose and solve some sort of problem for someone out there. Who asked for bagged milk and what problem were they trying to address?

Woman charged in breast milk assault on jailer

7 March 2010

2iihmr4

OWENSBORO, Ky. – A woman in jail for public intoxication was accused of assaulting a jailer by squirting breast milk at her. WYMT-TV reported that a 31-year-old woman was arrested Thursday on a misdemeanor charge of public intoxication. But as she was changing into an inmate uniform, she squirted breast milk into the face of a female deputy who was with her.

The woman now faces a felony charge of third degree assault on a police officer. Her bond was set at $10,000.

Source

Notable puns:

“Udderly ridiculous”

“The breast defense is a breast offense.”

BREAKING NEWS!!! Penises across America measured and ranked

26 February 2010

16orleans600

Just last week, America’s first condom store, Condomania, opened its database of penis sizes and released these unique rankings of the 50 states and the 20 most populated U.S. cities by average penis size. Previously, the largest formal survey of penis sizes was conducted in 1948 by the famous Kinsey researchers, when 2,500 men recorded their erect penis sizes. In this ten-times larger database, the user measures the length and girth of his erect penis to the millimeter and then matches those results to one of 76 possible sizes that comprise different length and girth combinations. What made this all possible? In 2004, the company launched TheyFit condoms –the world’s first line of tailored-fit prophylactics.

Just think of the jokes, pun, and terminology that will ensue after this study. Here’s one: “genital relocation” — if the competition is too “stiff” in your city, you can always move to Dallas or Philadelphia where you might, um, stand out more.

Can I suggest a follow up study? Now that we know who has the biggest stick, I suggest finding out who really has the biggest balls of them all..

Here are some highlights from the study’s database:
Top Ranking State by Average Penis Size: New Hampshire
Lowest Ranking State by Average Penis Size: Wyoming

Top Ranking U.S. City by Average Penis Size: New Orleans
Second Highest Ranking City: Washington, D.C.
Lowest Ranking City by Average Penis Size: Dallas/Ft. Worth

20 CITIES ORDERED BY PENIS SIZE

1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth

50 STATES ORDERED BY PENIS SIZE

1. New Hampshire
2. Oregon
3. New York
4. Indiana
5. Arizona
6. Hawaii
7. Louisiana
8. Massachusetts
9. Alabama
10. Washington
11. New Mexico
12. California
13. Arkansas
14. Nevada
15. Virginia
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Oklahoma
19. South Dakota
20. Georgia
21. Pennsylvania
22. Mississippi
23. Michigan
24. Florida
25. Rhode Island
26. Kansas
27. Maryland
28. Minnesota
29. Vermont
30. Connecticut
31. Wisconsin
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
34. Idaho
35. Texas
36. Missouri
37. Montana
38. Ohio
39. Nebraska
40. Colorado
41. Maine
42. North Carolina
43. Delaware
44. South Carolina
45. Kentucky
46. West Virginia
47. Alaska
48. Iowa
49. Utah
50. Wyoming

Congratulations New Orleans
Close but no cigar New York
LOL Wyoming
Alaska… shrinkage I guess?

Source